The Ministry of Reconciliation part 6-Let No Man Seperate

Prepare Your Heart:  Prayerfully read Romans chapter 12.  Though this passage doesn’t explicitly discuss marriage, it is full of ways we should treat others, especially our spouse.  As you read and pray, reflect and ask God to show you things about your marriage through this study.

We are continuing our study of being peacemakers and this week we turn to a specific relationship: marriage.  You may be a woman who is not married for a variety of reasons.  Perhaps you are divorced, engaged, dating, widowed, or have chosen to remain single.   My hope is that you will still take something away from this as a way to support others in their current marriages or glean knowledge for that stage of life in the future. 

Recently my small group has started a video series on marriage.  As I’ve listened to the teacher, I’m not sure that his view of marriage is a biblical one.  (As I’ve shared before, test all teaching against the words of the Bible (1 John 4:1), even mine; In this blog I write I try to live out 1 Timothy 4:6 and be faithful to the Word and not my own perspective).  The verse that kept coming to mind as I listened to the video was a verse you read today when preparing your heart for this study…Romans 12:2 do not be conformed to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may approve what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.   The teacher was sharing that you don’t even have to be a Christian to use these principals, that in marriage you should give to get, that the Bible was a book of rules, and advocated withholding things over your spouse like sex until you get what you want. When I think of the world, those in our culture outside of a Christian worldview, I think that’s how they see my faith and marriage, that the Bible is about self-righteousness and not grace, that you only give to get.  To be fair, I haven't seen the whole thing to make a final judgement and trust the people who recommended it-- it was just a good reminder that we are to always listen with our knowledge of God's word in front of us as we consider the teaching we hear. 

When God made me, He put this thing inside me that always has to search for the answer, to find out as much as I can about something and ponder until I arrive at some kind of rudimentary understanding.  After hearing this video my quest for truth was ignited to dig around to what I believe about marriage and why.  For me, that means go to the Word as it is always trustworthy.  I was tempted to go to some other resources in teaching about this but felt that I should try to approach the Bible on its own first.  How can I teach about marriage when my own is far from perfect? There are great marriage resources out there (one site I recommend is Focus on the  Family http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage.aspx) so I’m not saying to ignore any resource other than the Bible alone for the questions you have about marriage—just His word must be our standard and starting place (2 Peter 2:1).

Today our study will take on three parts: What was God’s design for marriage, what happened as a result of the fall (sin), and how are we to live with our spouse in a fallen world.  First comes love, then comes marriage, and you guessed it, a baby carriage!  Children are a huge impact in marriage, and another interest of my blog followers, so we will look at parenting in a separate lesson.  This study is the tip of the iceberg.  We can’t cover everything because it could be a series unto itself.  This is just to add to our knowledge of how to help reconcile people to God as it is our ministry!

1.       God’s Design for Marriage

·         Read Genesis 1:26-31; 2:18, 20-15.  What do you notice about marriage from these verses?  Try to find at least 4 things.  If you want to see what I noticed see asterisk below, but try to find them on your own first.

2.       How Sin Changed Marriage

·         Read Genesis 3: 8-24.  For the following verse, write down how marriage changed after humanity chose to live differently than God instructed them: verse 8, 12, 16, 17, 23.

3.       How Can we Live With Our Spouse in a Fallen World

Look up the following verses and take notes on what God has to say about the following topics that come up in the complex dynamics of a marriage relationship and try to answer the questions in italics to reflect on yourself and your marriage.

·         Physical Appearance: Peter 3:3-6, Proverbs 31:17, 25, 30  Are you relying on your looks to draw your spouse to you?

·         Attitude: Ephesians 5:33, Proverbs 31:11, 12, 26  In our culture respect must be earned.  Is that a Christian view as well? You might want to keep studying before answering that question, as other verses will give more weight to your answer. 

·         Non-believing Spouse: 1 Corinthians 7:12-16, 1 Peter 3:1-2 Are you showing your husband your relationship with God by the way you treat him, in the hopes to win him to Christ through your witness?

·         Submission: Ephesians 5:21-29  Hot topic!!!  Please note the biblical use of submission is mutual between spouses and that we are to submit to our spouse in the ways God is calling us to live through His word.  Are you willing to trust your spouse enough to support his decision making or do you try to control him? This is a direct result of the fall (see Genesis 3:16).

·         Sex: Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 We’ve already seen that God wants us to be physically intimate.  Does knowing God has a design for sex in your marriage surprise you?

·         Spiritual Growth and Ministry: 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, Acts 18:1-4, 18-28  Do you and your spouse pray together?  Do you serve together? 

·         Money: Proverbs 31:18, 24, 16; Ecclesiastes 5:10-20, Matthew 6:24-33, 1 Timothy 6:6-10 Does your view of material possessions get in the way of your marriage and relationship with God?  Are you making decisions to increase your wealth at the expense of your marriage relationship?

·         Purity: Exodus 20:14, 1 Corinthians 7:2, 1 Thessalonians 4: 1-8  Do you approach fidelity to your marital intimacy by guarding the  things you do to escape or fulfill yourself outside of marriage in romantic ways?  This type of escape could include activities online, books, TV shows or friendships with the opposite gender other than your spouse. 

The One Thing:  Now that you’ve read what the Bible says about marriage, how are you doing?  Is there areas where you and your spouse are living God’s design or places where there is stress and disappointment that could use some attention.  A good place to start is talk with your spouse about what you see and make a plan with them to make changes in this area.  If you are dating, what qualities in a future spouse do you want to look for to create a life together with God’s design in mind?   

*Observations on God’s design for marriage: 1. Man was alone and needed a companion that was suited for him. 2. We are meant to leave and join with our spouse.  3.  The bond in marriage is so strong it is described as “one flesh.”  3. They were naked and not ashamed.  4.Sex is not dirty…God created it and told them to do it! He told them to be fruitful and multiply.  4.  Men and women are physically different and together they embody the likeness of God.  5.  They had a job to do together, to rule over the other created things.  6.  God saw that it was good (the other 5 days) but saw that the marriage relationship was very good.