Long Expected Jesus



Come though long expected Jesus, come to set thy people free;                                     From our fears and sins release us,                                                                                             Let us find our rest in thee.                                                                                                             -Charles Wesley


As I write it’s 15 days until Christmas.  It almost feels like it could be Christmas morning.  The dog is on her pillow and the cat lies supine at my feet.  The lights of the tree softly alight in the background as I sip my cider and catch up on some long overdue writing.  


When December 1st rolled around I was lucky enough to be in a tropical local.  The resort I was staying in Mexico was shifting their fall harvest decorations to Christmas.  The manager scene was laid, as well as a tree made with palm fronds and coconuts for ornaments.  Their decorative centerpiece  transformed from a cornucopia and leaves to red and green shimmering ribbons and bows.  The background music as we walked the paved paths in 80 degree weather melodically spoke of snowy climes.  It didn’t feel like Christmas at all to me in this warm local with palm trees, not evergreens surrounding me.  Changing the decore didn’t usher in a sense of advent to my spirit. 


I’ve been trying to get into the “Christmas spirit” since returning to my routine, non-vacation life.  But I’ve had a hard time.  I don’t think it’s because my house isn’t fully decorated, I haven’t attended a party or received more bills than Christmas cards.  It’s not because I haven’t listened to my favorite music or watched White Christmas yet—it’s because I’m waiting for Jesus and I realize I might be in the most authentic place to celebrate Christmas there is. 


400 years of silence met the people of Israel after the prophet Malachi spoke.  God’s people were under foreign rule, conquered and dispersed.  They were waiting to hear from God again.  They were waiting for the promised Messiah and freedom.  Ironically that’s plainly where I find myself most days.  


For the past year Jesus has been long expected.  I know as a believer He has never left my side, I’m sealed with His Spirit but am living through a seasons of loss, grief, and change.  My faith feels different,  less emotive and more serious.  Most days I’m happy to take another small step where in other seasons I’ve been running.  I’m hanging on for deal life.  I’m waiting for Jesus to make a change, give me new insight, make my cup run over, deliver me from my struggles and disappointments.  Still waiting.  Just like Israel when a star appeared in a cold night sky and angles appeared to humble shepherds.  I long to be set free from this season where the next hard thing seems inevitable.  I need release from the sinful attitude of bitterness I often allow to promote self-pity.  


America’s commercialized Christmas is just that-a business model.  Stores make money promoting Christmas as a feeling of cozy family time where as in the Lifetime movies, you can fall in love and all wrongs are made right.  A time of year where we all put aside our differences and experience unity.  Where can give and receive the perfect gift.  Cookies and carols, snow and parties, traditions that arouse the magic of the season.  If you enjoy all of those things, I do too, so no shame in that.  My perspective has simply been that it’s really not enough to draw a wounded heart heart to the remembrance of Christ’s incarnation. 


I’m longing for His deliverance and presence. The gifts I want this year are rest and freedom from my trials.  Yet those things build character and I can look at them from the perspective of joy as they do their work in me.  Years after the baby in the manger, we still need a Savior.  He isn’t a 2000 year old baby but an ever present help, even in barren places. 


If you are where I am, know that you aren’t alone.  We are often truly celebrating Christ’s birth when we are looking to His return.  

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