The Good Life
Who wants to live a good life? I think every hand in the room would go up. If you asked the average American, the good life would have to do with a certain set of circumstances: happy marriage, sprawling home, new cars, satisfying job, thriving children, tropical vacations, restaurant dining, and a padded 401k. But God’s instruction for us on how to achieve the good life has nothing to do with our salary. It has to do with controlling our words.
Our mouth can get us into trouble, it can even show we aren’t taking advantage of living a life of faith.
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. - James 1:26
When I read the phrase keeps his tongue from evil, it makes me think of using words to create plans to harm or making false accusations. Yet humanity has a track record of mislabeling things[1] and downplaying what God calls evil. What are ways we struggle with our mouth?
One of my most common places to trip up is how I treat my family. I can quickly lose patience with my children and use a harsh tone of voice or even yell. I may respond with an angry jab to my husband when he is short with me. We often speak worst to the people we love the most because we trust in their unconditional love and ability to forgive. Jesus also reminds us that the words we say come from things stored up in our heart[2]. When we are at work/school all day and guarding our mouths, often we don’t use that same strength with our families to restrain ourselves.
Another way I’ve seen the tongue get me in trouble is social media. I don’t actually need to give any concrete examples here, because anyone who has posted on an unending variety of interactive platforms knows how quickly people can go back and forth and create an argument. Sometimes posts are purposefully made to stir up vitriol. When there is social unrest, we read threads of malice that often cross lines and become personal. At times, depending on one’s sensitivity, people take offense even when you don’t mean to! If you are wondering why I infrequently participate, I’ve just become fed up with how easy it is to act differently online than you would if you were in person.
Another way our tongues speak evil is through gossip. This was one you probably knew was coming. It’s what Jerry Bridges would call a “respectable sin,” those things that you know are wrong to let dwell but it’s not as bad as murder or adultery[3]. Do we spread ill news by folding it into a prayer request? Do we feel justified if we ask how we can “help” a friend out of the situation they are in? Do we consider it venting to talk to another about a mutual friend who is driving us both crazy instead of going to the object of conversation directly?
I haven’t covered worry, judgement, complaining, bragging, or taking the Lord’s name lightly. Is it sin to hold back the things we should say that we hold back because of fear or self-consciousness? As you can see, there are ways out mouth can lead us the wrong way and all of them lead away from the good life.
Often when I am trying to get ahold of a way I’ve been living that doesn’t match up with my transformed nature, I focus on what I should be doing, not what I’m trying to stop. Verse 9 of our verse today reminds me to respond in blessing. Let’s look at some other passages in scripture that outline how we are to use our words instead of returning insults for insults.
Sometimes the best response is to hold back your words and listen first before giving a response, quelling our anger.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
James 1:19–20
This verse highlights the chain of events that can be stopped when we simply don’t speak. When we seek to understand before replying, we stop anger from building up within us. As my previous example with my family, venting my anger with them in my marriage or parenting doesn’t achieve the results that God’s righteousness does when I heed his tactics. Letting my anger flow freely amplifies my sense of entitlement or self-victimization and will never produce change in others that I want to see.
Another way to bless those who cut us down is to pray for them.
But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
Matthew 5:44
This verse came to mind recently after a meeting I had at work. Someone had made a passive-aggressive comment about my participation and I tried to blow it off. For the rest of the weekend I was replying the dialog in my head, fantasizing about the verbal slight I should have retorted with. Then I asked God to help me forget it ever was said. Instead of granting my request, He said, “Forgive them and pray blessings upon their project.” Almost instantly my bitterness was gone and I was able to let it go. It’s impossible to stay angry at someone you are praying for.
Lastly, we are to speak the truth but do it in a kind way.
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Ephesians 4: 15
It’s not that we aren’t to have hard conversations at times, but how we say it is as important as what we might say. The verse also shows that controlling our tongue is a sign of maturity and something we show more self-control in as we grow in our faith. In the opposite way, one who is not trying to watch their words may not be as Christ-like as they may want to be.
Think about your communication habits. As you read today is there an area God has shown you needs to come under His control? If you desire to love your life and have a future of peace with others, you are not alone. Instead of being discouraged that controlling the tongue is too hard. Remember His promise in Isaiah:
“And as for me, this is my covenant with them,” says the LORD: “My Spirit that is upon you, and my words that I have put in your mouth, shall not depart out of your mouth, or out of the mouth of your offspring, or out of the mouth of your children’s offspring,” says the LORD, “from this time forth and forevermore.” -59:21
It’s not on us to do it on our own, God will put His very words in our mouths and in generations to come. Because of His Spirit at work in us it will be done.
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