Confessions of One Who Prays

For truly I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of a mustard see, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.  Matthew 17:20

Confessions of a One Who Prays.  This is kind of a working title in my mind as I’m considering what to call this series I'm writing.  My intention is to let you in on the why that I don’t pray like I want to, like I know I should, like in this passage Jesus tells me I could pray like.  Do I really believe I could have prayers that have that much affect?  That nothing is impossible for me? I believe in the authenticity of the Bible and that those are really words that  Jesus really said, so why is so hard for me to show in my prayer life that I really believe that?

The reflections and questions are coming from thoughts I've had as I read a book by John Eldridge called Moving Mountains: Praying with Passion, Confidence, and Power.  The title alone gets me excited.  I want my prayers to have passion because I want to really feel and care about what I'm praying.  I need confidence that what I am praying is the will of God and that they matter somehow.  I desire to see my prayers contain power, that somehow praying moves things on the earth and creates change for the kingdom of God, much like the mountain Jesus assures me I can move.  That nothing is impossible with the combination of faith and prayer.

Here's another confession related to the first; I don't make New Year's Resolutions.  In general, I don't get caught up in pithy holidays.  Yep-I'm no fun.  Don't wear green on St. Patricks Day, don't get my hubby a sappy gift on Valentine's Day, don't really see a big need to make my life better because it's a New Years.  Instead I'm the type that is reflective all year round and change things as they need to be changed.  Example, I went to way to many good BBQ's last summer and decided to eat salad for awhile once September hit to get some vegetables in my body!  I share this not to say I'm better than all you "new year new youers," but that typically I'm not one to make big changes when January 1st rolls around.

This year on the other hand, I felt really called to change the way I was praying.  It was just time, time to grow me and my faith up a little.  Interestingly, I think God's timing for me also had a a lot to do with the role I play at my church.  As a leader in the worship arts and a member of our church's prayer team, He was calling me up as one who prayed and took prayer seriously for my church.  The seeds for this awakening were planted in me during a sermon my pastor shared on reflecting back over his experience in ministry at our church his past 30 years...how our church had its roots in prayer.  It was the catalyst for bringing about big changes and growth and  I got excited!  I wanted to be part of it in a deeper way!  Then our pastor shared the vision for this year as 2017 came to a close and it had everything to do with prayer.  The seeds were growing into a vine and budding.

What is interesting is that most of my friends see me as a great prayer warrior.  I am constantly asked to pray and I do!  If you are a friend and reading this know I take this request seriously and always have. One way my prayers have changed since reading this book is to pray right then and there when asked.  Maybe it's on the phone when the person asks me.  If they send me a text, I send them a voice memo or an email so they can participate with me in the prayer in some small way.  Because so many ask me to pray for them, and the church and the spirit  is confirming this is my gift (I Corinthians 12) I want to get better at it!  But am I a warrior?  Do I fight in prayer?


You've gotten the backstory: here is where the confessions begin.  As I reflect on my prayer life, I wonder why I don't do it more.  There seems to be a disconnect between my beliefs and my actions.  One thing I notice is that I get discouraged easy.  I feel less fervor when it's not "working" aka, when I don't know if the prayers I pray are changing anything.  I know that they change me, and that's reason enough to pray, but I admit I want more! I want to keep praying for something to happen--I want to have prayer grit that keeps me on my knees when God hasn't spoken or moved yet.  The other thing I am susceptible to is doing other things than praying when something is bothering me.  I often talk to a friend about my problems or take action to change the situation instead of praying first and praying until God counsels me (or I may binge watch Netflix and knit).  The prayers I do stick with often aren't fueled with passion, they come out more obligatory.  I want a radical makeover.  I need Jesus to teach me to pray.

It's all led me to ask Jesus this:  Teach me to pray.  I've been inspired and led by the Spirit. I'm getting more tools and trying things on by reading Moving Mountains.   I've been a part of healing prayer and proclaiming prayer before and beheld the aftermath of it's divine fruit.   I want to partake weekly, no daily instead of occasionally.  He's growing me up here and I invite you to join me and reflect on, being honest about prayer.















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