Wisdomfied part 14-Adultery

Prepare Your Heart: 2 Samuel 22:22-29 and Matthew 5:27-30.  Read these passages and consider the purity of your heart in regards to your faithfulness to your current or future spouse.

So in thinking about teaching on this section I thought it might be interesting to get some statistics.  When I googled this, it was overwhelming!  So many different statistics and sources.    It is the internet so this may not be valid so I decided not to share it, as I didn’t find a site I felt was reputable.  I also searched on Focus on the Family.  There is a good article here http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/affairs_and_adultery.aspx that gives you an overview of the topic. 

Of special interest to me was the part on how to avoid being in an affair.  No matter what your personal story is in regards to this topic, all of us can take the time to consider our lifestyle and the things we are doing as Christians women to protect our hearts and our marriages.  No matter how strong a marriage is, temptations will come.  The Bible calls this the “little foxes” (Song of Solomon 2:15).  Just think how passionate their love was, yet temptations still linger.  Read below the cited articles tips on how to protect your marriage:

• Looking for ego boosts outside your marriage. Men tend to turn to extramarital liaisons to build up their self-image or sexual self-esteem. Women are suspect to affairs to satisfy their longing for love, appreciation and tenderness. Beware of leaning on others beyond your marriage as primary sources for love, value and respect.
• Neglecting to talk openly with each other. If you only talk to your spouse about the bills and household chores, you may be sliding into trouble. Holding in your thoughts and feelings does not enhance transparency in your relationship. Practice the art of small talk that can open the door to deeper sharing.
• Resisting conflict resolution. Every couple runs into communication rough spots. It's important not to build walls between you and your spouse. Some people mask their hurt while others spew their emotions. Neither method is constructive. Both ways create relational roadblocks. Unresolved conflict leads to isolation and leaves you vulnerable to fleeing your marriage.
• Discounting fun and relaxation together. Think of the last time you and your spouse enjoyed a date or a weekend getaway together. As the old adage says, "Couples that play together, stay together." If career, family and homes responsibilities are crowding out laughter and friendship with your spouse, you need to book in some recreational retreats with each other.
• Increasing the time you spend apart. The demands of work travel, ill children or differing interests and hobbies are common issues that can keep couples apart. The more time you spend away from your spouse, the greater temptation to drift in your relationship.
• Allowing daily stresses and fatigue to sabotage your intimacy. Packed schedules and raising children are two common reasons husbands and wives feel ho-hum in their relational intimacy. Romance, in an instant, can remind you of the reasons you love each other. All marriages require times of refreshing and an in-depth look at intimacy saboteurs.
• Letting your love life fizzle instead of sizzle. Familiarity and boredom can creep into any marriage. Beware of shaking things up in your sex life by dumping your spouse for another more promising lover. If you or your partner suddenly is disinterested in sex with each other, be sure to explore the true reasons.
• Giving in to predictability. A little mystery can go a long way in adding spice to your marriage. Many couples succumb to affairs out of fading interest in their spouses. One way to continue your wedded bliss is to surprise your mate with love notes or an occasional unexpected outing or gift.
• Living in denial. Pretending that problems do not exist in your marriage will only widen the gap between you and your spouse. Many extramarital affairs start when a frustrated spouse searches for a reality check in marriage by turning to an officemate or friend of the opposite sex for support. Dare to face the truth of your marital struggles.
• Forgetting your commitment to each other. Over time couples are prone to forget why they fell in love. In our easy-come-easy-go culture, it takes courage and determination to honor commitment instead of convenience.
• Failing to resist come-ons and temptations. In our over-sexed world, even the most innocent husband or wife can fall prey to sexual temptations. Before you or your mate find yourself in compromising situations, talk about safeguards for your marriage. You may need to avoid after-work soirees, certain hotels on business trips and sexually compromising magazines, movies or television shows. Thinking "Just this once," can lead to a lifetime of regret.

  Now to turn to the Word!  Read the book of Proverbs.  As you read, note how the temptation gave way to sin (James 1:14,15).  What are the dangers of living a promiscuous lifestyle?  Is there any tips you can glean from these passages to keep you heart pure?

·         5:1-23

·         6:20-35

·         7:1-27

·         22:14

·         23:26-28

So what if you’ve been a part of an affair?  David, who is called a man after God’s own heart (1 Sam 13:14), committed such a sin.  His story begins in 2 Samuel chapter 11.  Despite God’s love for him, there were consequences because of His sin.  God lovingly uses the actions that come when we move away from His plan to teach us His way is better.  Sin always under delivers on its promises. 

What if your spouse has sinned against you?  Can you forgive him?  I know of two women in my life who have received back an unfaithful spouse, who was truly repentant who have amazing families and happy marriages.  The grace to be able to forgive has given them many blessings.   One friend who tried, but her husband continued to deceiver her and their commitment to each other had to be broken. I pray that God will minister to your heart and answer your questions in regards to this topic. 

What if you are reading this as a single woman?  A divorced woman?  God’s word is truth.  You can apply these principals to future relationships or use this wisdom to council others who may need the Bible’s perspective.