Sleeping Beauty
When you study the bible verse-by-verse you don’t get to skip the tricky parts. For ladies, who make up the majority of my blog following, the group of verses in this section of 1st Peter[1] are a counter-cultural revolution. I was fascinated by this passage and have so much I can say about it, but I’m going to try and boil my points down to one clear theme. Beauty is vulnerability.
When I first studied this in the ESV translation, I came across verse 3:6 and the wording of it was very strange…. Don’t fear anything that is frightening. In our humanity, a common response to things that are frightening is fear. That seems pretty intuitive and people who don’t respond in fear might not be living in reality. And that my friends is the key! It is not in our nature to confront what the world fears and display a different response. It is other-worldly, of the divine nature, the cultural practice of a citizen from a different kingdom.
Peter ends the practical application section of his real-life examples of suffering by including marriage. Next week, my husband and I are playing in a wedding. Just today I got to hear from my friend who is on the verge of marital bliss. As she should be, she is hopeful about how her husband will encourage her spiritually. Now this couple is very mature, more so than I was at their age, but I’ve been married long enough to know even the best of men will disappoint you.
Peter was aware of this reality and describes two forms of suffering women face as wives—maintaining beauty and embracing their place in the family.
Firstly, women often fear being judged by their looks and found lacking. Many believe that if they doesn’t measure up physically, no one may want to value the person inside. The standard of beauty our culture puts upon us is unrealistic. We critique our weight our clothes, our hair, our makeup, and I would argue we are to make the finished product effortless to achieve. Like it’s easy to maintain a size 2 figure! Ironically, those that put too much emphasis on the exterior usually come across as the most insecure. We can’t hide how we really feel about ourselves based on what we make the outside look like. I have a friend who is living this life right now and it breaks my heart. She has worked hard to present to her husband the body type he finds attractive, but on the inside, she is struggling to trust that his affection will remain if she loses her physical prowess. Peter showcases Abraham’s wife Sarah, who instead trusted in a different way to maintain her spouse’s regard.
To see a woman as comfortable in her own skin when she first wakes up (how about a weekend camping with no shower?) as when she is dolled-up for an evening out is a witness of true beauty. It shows vulnerability to be as open with her flaws as well as the parts she can enhance through superficial means. That woman’s attitude displays the belief, “I trust that I am beloved by my God and my husband even when I’m not put together.” This kind of beauty gets better with age, even when muffin tops, wrinkles, and gray hairs enter the picture. The woman who rests in her eternal value is a woman who understands the hidden person of the heart and can offer her authentic self without fear of rejection, for those she offers her real self to are able to embrace all that she is. This is the proven beauty that can never be taken away from the daughter of God who is at rest with the glory Christ has shared with her[2].
Why is a spirit at rest more attractive than physical beauty? Though the outside may initially draw someone to you, it is never enough to keep them. How do you feel when you are around someone who is confident in things beyond the shallow? You usually feel at peace yourself. What most people long for is contentment, so what is appealing about a woman who embodies this quality is that her husband can be refreshed just being around her…messy hair don’t care and all.
Secondly, women fear being dominated because of their gender. This domination can happen physically or emotionally. Sharing your true feelings and having them devalued is intimidating. It is a greater risk to share your inner spirit than put on makeup and dress well. That is what submission means, not being a doormat and allowing someone to govern you, but to offer your perspective and trust in your husband’s leadership. In the beginning of our relational undercurrents, a curse was given to women because she trusted lies about God told by the serpent, whose intent was deceive and manipulate the truth[3]. Consequently, our desire is to protect ourselves by controlling our family dynamics instead of trusting in God’s design. Though in the garden Adam tried to blame his wife for their exposure[4], God calls man to care for their wives like Christ loved the church, a sacrificially duty[5].
I’m glad of the role I have, I would not want the responsibility of headship! To know that my prayers would be hindered if I wasn’t sacrificially serving my family the way Christ would…no thanks! By being vulnerable in my role as wife, I can share display my beauty. In the same way as Christ put His Father’s plan above His own will, I can put trust in God’s plan for me[6]. For when we submit to God’s design for marriage, we are aren’t putting our trust in our husband, but ultimately in God. If we embody the way a healthy family is divinely designed to function, we acknowledge God as Creator of the family structure. Though we honor this structure, we are no less in His eyes. We are co-heirs of the grace of life[7]. In my own marriage, the times I tried to push my agenda led to conflict, disdain, and hurt. Yet when I’m spoken up and trusted the process, peace, understanding, and care have always won out. A women who offers her trust to her God and via honoring her husband is stunning.
Do not be afraid of sudden terror…
for the LORD will be your confidence…
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to do it. Proverbs 3:25–27
For words more elegant that mine, I would recommend the book Captivating by Staci Eldredge. No other text offers modern women such a thorough invitation to share their inner beauty with the world. I close with a passage from that book:
Like Eve after she tasted the forbidden fruit, we women hide. We hide behind our makeup. We hide behind our humor. We hide with angry silences and punishing withdrawals. We hide our truest selves and offer only what we believe is wanted, what is safe. We act in self-protective ways and refuse to offer what we truly see, believe, and know. We will not risk rejection or looking like a fool. We have spoken in the past and have been met with blank stares and mocking guffaws. We will not do it again. We hide because we are afraid. We have been wounded and wounded deeply. People have sinned against us and we have sinned as well. To hide means to remain safe, to hurt less. At least that is what we think. And so by hiding, we take matters into our own hands. We don’t return to God with our broken and desperate hearts. And it has never occurred to us that in all our hiding, something precious in us is also squelched, diminished, and refused, something God needs so very, very much for us to bring into the world.[8]
Listen to Come Out of Hiding and worship. Repent from your desire to draw people to your worth by the masks you have worn and the control you’ve wielded. If in God’s sight it is a precious thing to give Him your trust[9], what are you waiting for? He reminds us we don’t have to fear what is frightening because He is always our Protector[10]. Like Sleeping Beauty, the truth in 1 Peter 3 awakens us with a kiss. God is the true love we’ve been waiting for. He is El Roi[11], the God who sees our hearts[12], past the outer lays too often put on display and the ways we feel cast aside in our family.
*Check out my post: True Beauty from January 2017 for more on this topic. All my posts are tagged with labels to easily search more content by topic.
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