The Gift of Solitude
Sisters and Seekers,
Let's talk about Sunday night. It's the time of the weekend we don't want to face because our weekend is coming to an end...I don't know what yours is typically filled with but mine is often a mixture of catching up on housework, taking the kids somewhere, seeing friends, church, maybe a long walk with the dog, and then during the after-dinner dishes that feeling of dread seeps in. Work tomorrow. Thinking about all the unique things that week will bring. Calling the doctor to schedule an exam, making sure I stop at the bank to get cash to pay my yard work help, getting the present for the birthday party because I forgot to order it on Amazon and that particular toy won't get here in two days because it's not prime...but did my weekend really give me the rest I was hoping for? Did I continue to bring a spirit of busyness with me or did I carve out time to rest. Does my soul feel reset or am I dreading the week to come because I didn't really get the rest I needed?
I am a mom who works full time. I didn't do that my entire career as a teacher; I was lucky enough that when my kids were younger I got to spend some time at home and then went back part time. Boy life seemed to have a lot more balance back then because as you stay-at-home-moms know that running your house is full time job. But a few years ago my dream job became a reality, the kids got older, and going back to work full time was the choice that felt right for the season my family was in.
And it was and is--the right decision that is. This post isn't a reflection on the wisdom of that decision but more of a confession that with the decision comes less time. Isn't that the struggle we all have on some level. Life is really full right now and I'll admit that I'm one of those crazy people who like having a full schedule. As I was considering why I like being busy, I didn't like what God was revealing to me about that. I think I often hide in busyness. When I'm busy, I can put aside the needs of my heart that I don't really want to face. I start relying on habits of discipline in my faith and say I've had "quiet time" without really gaining back any rest. Here's some examples that I find myself doing too often. I can read a devotional on my bible app and cross off the list that I've spent started my day reading something profound, but did it profoundly affect me? I can throw up a prayer the last few minutes of my commute to work because I'm still not feeling quite awake yet and was zoning out in my car on auto pilot. I can do my bible reading plan in bed at night without thinking about what I read because I want to get to the novel I'm reading too. I know my life is too full when the busyness of life starts dictating the time and spirit I take with me into connecting with my Creator.
When I start being irritated easily, overwhelmed when something unexpected comes up, when I am not looking forward to time with my favorite people, when I do get time to rest and don't know how--these are all signs that though my habits of faith are intact, I'm not putting aside the time I need to to be fed, filled up, renewed, restored. To actually let it shape and change me. I want to to live the full life I have with abundance of fruit from a nurtured spiritual life and not an anemic one.
Here's the question we need to ask ourselves when we put excuses in the way of taking a real, extended break and seeking solitude: Do we ever really catch up? The lie I tend to live with is that once I get these things done I will give myself permission to rest and take a break. Yet as I mentioned before, I've been living at max-capacity and don't really know how to rest in the rare times this circumstances occur. Do you want to burnout? Do you really enjoy living at this pace? Are you living this way because you're avoiding getting real with yourself or believing that rest is out there in front of you and it will just happen without intention?
Jesus said one of the reasons He came is that we would have life and have it abundantly (John 10: 10). Without taking a break for sabbath and solitude that kind of life isn't mine. Instead I need to walk away from things undone and carve out the space to let the God-things permeate in a way that really does restore something to me that I have lost.
Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength-Psalm 40:30-31.
Let's talk about Sunday night. It's the time of the weekend we don't want to face because our weekend is coming to an end...I don't know what yours is typically filled with but mine is often a mixture of catching up on housework, taking the kids somewhere, seeing friends, church, maybe a long walk with the dog, and then during the after-dinner dishes that feeling of dread seeps in. Work tomorrow. Thinking about all the unique things that week will bring. Calling the doctor to schedule an exam, making sure I stop at the bank to get cash to pay my yard work help, getting the present for the birthday party because I forgot to order it on Amazon and that particular toy won't get here in two days because it's not prime...but did my weekend really give me the rest I was hoping for? Did I continue to bring a spirit of busyness with me or did I carve out time to rest. Does my soul feel reset or am I dreading the week to come because I didn't really get the rest I needed?
I am a mom who works full time. I didn't do that my entire career as a teacher; I was lucky enough that when my kids were younger I got to spend some time at home and then went back part time. Boy life seemed to have a lot more balance back then because as you stay-at-home-moms know that running your house is full time job. But a few years ago my dream job became a reality, the kids got older, and going back to work full time was the choice that felt right for the season my family was in.
And it was and is--the right decision that is. This post isn't a reflection on the wisdom of that decision but more of a confession that with the decision comes less time. Isn't that the struggle we all have on some level. Life is really full right now and I'll admit that I'm one of those crazy people who like having a full schedule. As I was considering why I like being busy, I didn't like what God was revealing to me about that. I think I often hide in busyness. When I'm busy, I can put aside the needs of my heart that I don't really want to face. I start relying on habits of discipline in my faith and say I've had "quiet time" without really gaining back any rest. Here's some examples that I find myself doing too often. I can read a devotional on my bible app and cross off the list that I've spent started my day reading something profound, but did it profoundly affect me? I can throw up a prayer the last few minutes of my commute to work because I'm still not feeling quite awake yet and was zoning out in my car on auto pilot. I can do my bible reading plan in bed at night without thinking about what I read because I want to get to the novel I'm reading too. I know my life is too full when the busyness of life starts dictating the time and spirit I take with me into connecting with my Creator.
When I start being irritated easily, overwhelmed when something unexpected comes up, when I am not looking forward to time with my favorite people, when I do get time to rest and don't know how--these are all signs that though my habits of faith are intact, I'm not putting aside the time I need to to be fed, filled up, renewed, restored. To actually let it shape and change me. I want to to live the full life I have with abundance of fruit from a nurtured spiritual life and not an anemic one.
Here's the question we need to ask ourselves when we put excuses in the way of taking a real, extended break and seeking solitude: Do we ever really catch up? The lie I tend to live with is that once I get these things done I will give myself permission to rest and take a break. Yet as I mentioned before, I've been living at max-capacity and don't really know how to rest in the rare times this circumstances occur. Do you want to burnout? Do you really enjoy living at this pace? Are you living this way because you're avoiding getting real with yourself or believing that rest is out there in front of you and it will just happen without intention?
Jesus said one of the reasons He came is that we would have life and have it abundantly (John 10: 10). Without taking a break for sabbath and solitude that kind of life isn't mine. Instead I need to walk away from things undone and carve out the space to let the God-things permeate in a way that really does restore something to me that I have lost.
Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength-Psalm 40:30-31.
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