Devotional: Whose God is Their Appetite

I've always been driven, a fighter.  I've always had a “what’s next.”  Due to my tenacity, I usually get what I’m after and the cycle repeats itself. 

Take that same inclination and project it onto consumerism.  Now what’s interesting is that I am very disciplined with money.  I keep a budget.  I save and give.  I live below my means and as my spouse has the same agenda, live debt free (with the exception of our mortgage).  Yet I wouldn't say I was content.

I realized last month that the gifts of Christmas didn't make me feel satisfied but instead awakened a desire for more.  Though many things on my wish list were satisfied, I was drawn to think of the things I didn't get…this unsettledness became clear as I was listening through a sermon series on the 10 commandments on coveting.  I had always felt like buying was okay as long as it was in the budget and I could afford it.  My allowance was something I could spend whimsically; most people with wisdom in financial planning even suggest to have “blow money,” a budgeted amount to spend without thinking to help give you restraint in other areas.  Though I might be making all the line items equalize, God was calling me to deeper and more thoughtful place with my consuming.

Because he knew no contentment in his belly, he will not let anything in which he delights escape him.

There was nothing left after he had eaten; therefore his prosperity will not endure.  In the fullness of his sufficiency he will be in distress.  Job 20:20-22.

The false promise of wanting more is that after you get it, you will feel satisfied.  We never do, like  experienced during the surplus of acquisition this past holiday season, it often opens our eyes to the next thing we don’t have.  It inspired me to choose to take a month off from spending.  To not buy anything I didn't need.  To live with what I had.  Pay the electric bill, yes.  Get gas and fresh produce, yes.  Gifts for the kids birthday parties, yes.  A new sugar jar when mine broke?  No.  Supplies to decorate my classroom?  No.  A daily bible so I could read it on my kindle (also new) instead of the one on my bookshelf?  No.  Old Navy just sent me a coupon for $15 free clothes with a purchase of $15!  No! (That was hard for this frugal mama to pass up).  It made me realize how often I say yes when I really don’t need to, or maybe don’t even want to, it just seems easier to get.  The daily default of my heart is to seek the idol of affluence in subtle and very plain ways. 

I’m worried that when Feb 1^st hits, I will feel like I have permission again to get the things I have been “noticing” this month and pinning on my new Pintrest board so I don’t forget I wanted them.  Yet when God refines our heart it is never for the sake of self-discipline and legalizing our behavior.  He creates lasting change in me and a longing to be free of the thing that made me a little less like Him this day.  That won’t change on a calendar but needs to be scrubbed away from the greedy person of my heart.  He said godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim 6:10).  So as I write this I ask Him, and this is what He tells me in the quiet place, when I slow down enough to hear Him speak.

It’s not what you buy, it’s why you do. Look at what you buy most, clothes.  Why?  To look cute?  Why? So people will think I’m pretty, stylish, clean, together.  Why?  So they will like me.  Why? Because sometimes God You loving me isn't enough.  Why? Because I desire their approval.  Because I want to be noticed and significant and important and…Why?  Because God when I stop to think about it that’s how you view me and You’re the only one that ever will with the depth and adoration that I long for. 

But I can’t live there.  Daily I can realize this and return to a deep peace I’ve found nowhere else but I can’t stay.  I can’t abide in this without returning to Him and His truth for my life.

In showing me I have a contentment problem, God has revealed that it’s really the symptom of a heart that isn’t tuned to know everyday that I’m His favorite, that He died for me, and that when I don’t remember that fully, I live a day wasted on doing everything else except rest on Him who said It is finished (John 19:30). 

So February 1^st, when everyone is getting ready to celebrate the glorious defeat of the Denver Broncos by the Seattle Seahawks, I will keep this close to my heart.  Don’t know how long it will be before I cave and buy something but I pray it won’t be caving and it will be a peaceful receiving of a gift I can get from my Abba (Daddy).  One that is grounded in loving Him first and enjoying the blessings He gives.  Like a diet, I’ll put on pounds if I start eating bad food again.  Being content is a lifestyle choice and one that I hope will always be with me.  I don’t have to worry…He will remind me when I forget. 

In studying Hebrews, I think the book is about contentment too—spiritual contentment.  Why Jesus is better than _____________  (you fill in the blank here).  Sharing this with you because my cool friend C. was at the store with a full cart, and put it all back (except the light bulbs)  because my musings on contentment struck her someplace too. 

In the immortal words of Mic Jagger, “You can’t always get what you want.” True.  But I got what I need.  Jesus and He’s better than ___________ .